Mother and lover, are you woman enough?

SHE is 34 and breastfeeding an 8-month-old infant. It is her first baby and she is quite happy carrying out her motherly duties. The problem is that she has no sex drive to write home about. Before the birth of the baby, she and her spouse couldn’t have enough of each other. In the first few months after their wedding, they were at it practically every day. Even when she became pregnant, they still managed to have a roll in the hay at least once every other day.

But all that has changed. The baby came and then, nothing. The fire has gone out and there is no spark again. Now she has no urge whatsoever and barely manages one sexual encounter in a week “just to please him” as she puts it. What could be the problem? Could breastfeeding be the cause of her low libido?

From several perspectives, this appears most probable. She is not alone in this quandary. It is not uncommon for a breastfeeding woman to experience a waning of desire, even months after delivery.

Medical experts say this is likely due to the effect breastfeeding has on the hormones. One of the most affected hormones is Oestrogen – considered to be the “female” hormone although it is present in both sexes. Among other things, oestrogen is responsible for maintaining the moistness and flexibility of the vaginal lining.

The hormonal levels are significantly lower while a woman is breastfeeding, and if the levels drop beyond a threshold, the vaginal lining becomes dry and stiff, such that intercourse may be uncomfortable.

Another caveat for a woman that is breastfeeding, is that her body produces higher levels of another hormone – Prolactin, which has tendency to suppress sexual desire. A breastfeeding woman also produces lower levels of testosterone – the male sex hormone that plays a major role in a woman’s overall libido. So in several ways, the issue of breastfeeding and libido is mixed blessings for women. No doubt, breastfeeding is beneficial to babies and mothers. While more women are getting better at breastfeeding, fewer women are effectively combining the role of mother and lover.

As more women breastfeed, more babies are receiving breast milk exclusively. For a mother, regular breastfeeding can reduce the risk of breast and ovarian cancer and possibly reduce risk of hip fractures and osteoporosis after menopause.

Sexuality researchers say breastfeeding meets a woman’s needs for “intimate touching,” so they are less interested in being touched by their partners. Some women note that their bodies seem to respond in a sexual way to breastfeeding and they feel somewhat aroused. It is important to understand that this may be due to hormones released as a result of nipple stimulation and that the response is completely within the realm of normal.

A recent study published in Springer’s journal Human Nature shows that new mothers in the Philippines spend more time in the bedroom with their partners in the first few weeks after giving birth than they did before they became pregnant. This development is seen as a type of survival strategy by the women to keep the relationships with fathers of their new babies alive and well, and also, probably, to ensure continued support for their offspring.

It is not surprising that divorce rates in the Philippines are amongst the lowest in the world. The trick is simple – learn to adapt to being both mothers and lovers. On the average, during the first six weeks after giving birth, most women tend to devote more time to their new babies than to their partner. This could explain lower relationship satisfaction and less intercourse between such partners and a clear shift occurs from the so-called mating efforts to parenting efforts.

The study involved mostly married women, aged 18-35, well-educated, with on average, two or three children some of who still breastfed. They spoke about their sexual functioning and menstrual cycles, as well as about how satisfied and committed they were in their current relationships. From the findings, it was obvious that the breastfeeding women who had already resumed having their periods were more sexually active and committed than the others.

This result suggests that Philippine women experience an increase in sexual activity after the birth of their children that may even be higher than pre-pregnancy levels. A plausible explanation presented by the researchers is that the post-partum sexual increase may be a means of continuing investment in a satisfactory, successful relationship in which future children can be successfully reared.

But for a mother in a stressful relationship, this relationship maintenance strategy may not work, principally because resuming a sexual relationship may not be a priority as much as focusing on her baby. However, the argument is that even though a breastfeeding woman may not be sexually proactive, she may respond favourably when her partner initiates sexual activity.

Most new mothers admit that caring for an infant can be quite fatiguing, particularly if they are also working, taking care of the house and still not getting a full night’s sleep. Breastfeeding a baby is a wonderful and worthwhile part of a woman’s life and the associated lack of sexual desire is most likely short-lived and resumption of a more active sexual pattern is likely to resume as the baby grows.

A woman who wants to continue breastfeeding should, by all means, continue! But her partner needs to be in the picture. There should be time just for the two of them to reconnect as a couple —without the baby.